Day 14: What did you want to be when you grew up? What are you now?
In this category, I have so far failed my younger self. I never REALLY knew what I wanted to be. I toyed with the ideas of vet, teacher, photographer, even retail management like my mom. I think realistically I pictured myself in some kind of office. But I never had a clear cut plan. BUT I always planned to work. My mom raised me to be independant and not rely on a man. She has never put herself in a position where she relies on a man. So I just *knew* I'd always work. The one thing I always knew I wanted to be was a mom. I even thought I wanted to be a single mom for a while because I was raised by a single mom and she did great, and I didn't think I'd want to share my children!
What am I now? A homemaker without kids. Obviosuly I plan to have kids. But I don't really plan to be a working mom anymore. I'll go back to work if I have to. If Cling gets laid off or we are just so broke. I'll do what is needed to take care of my family. But if we can afford for me to not work, I don't plan to. I sometimes feel like I failed myself, and my mom, in that aspect. I know my mom is proud of me and has faith in my marriage and in Clint. She has never made me feel like I'm doing the wrong thing not working, or like she is disappointed in me. But she didn't raise me this way and there's a part of me that thinks she wishes I would be a working woman. What if something happened to Clint and I have no way to support myself and the children we may have? I don't have any qualifications that would get me into a good paying job. I guess it's just one of those things that you don't think will ever happen to you. Clint will be fine, our marriage will last forever, and I won't be in a situation where I'll have to provide for myself completely. That's just the things we tell ourselves to make life a little easier, I guess.