Do I have to be 27?

I feel so old! Yesterday was my birthday. 27 and still no child. GAH! Oh well. I had a nice birthday weekend anyhow.

Friday I went to Prescott. I went to Jenn's and we hung out for a while and then she did my hair and we went out and did pictures! I can't wait to see them, they're gonna be so pretty, because she is a great photographer! But we kinda lost track of time and we were late to the next thing which was a Passion Party at Jessica's house. That was a lot of fun! We each made a couple small purchases. After the sales lady left, they brought out penis cake for me. LOL. Jenn & Jess made it. I only had half of a hairy ball since I was still trying to be good, but it was yummy. Also at Jessica's I had a couple margueritas, which probably wasn't best for my blood sugar, but oh well.. it was a party! The rest of the night didn't go as planned.. at all. We ended up going downtown to a couple bars... no one was really in the mood for it. But we had some fun anyway. Downtown has changed so much, though. So weird. We got back to Jenn's around 2AM and it was bed time!

The next day I had to do my shopping and did not get enough sleep, so that sucked. I was really scatterbrained and cranky. Nothing was going my way that day, it seemed! But when I got back to town, I went to the post office and found a nice card from my mom, with some cash which was a nice surprise (one that made me feel better about how much I spent on groceries... eating healthy is more expensive. :/ ). THEN I came home and it was clear my mother-in-law had been here. There were flowers and a card from her and one from Kallie (SIL) and a Cricut cartridge from MIL. And my house was all kinds of clean. And there was a "Happy Birthday Janessa" message written in chalk on our walkway from my neice Holly. She helped Nana clean my house. lol.

That evening when Clint got home from work, we went over to Kallie's for dinner. Steaks, grilled carrots, steamed broccoli, garlic rolls and salad. Yummo! Home, then bed time soon after. I was tired!

Yesterday was my actual birthday and it was just a pretty quiet day at home. I made some Father's Day cards, and Rhonda (MIL) & Holly (neice) came over for a little while to hang out & chat. Oh and I made myself some birthday brownies. Thankfully Rhonda and Holly helped eat them, so they are all gone now and I can go back to being on a good diet today...

I am a little worried though! I didn't go to the gym all weekend and today they are closed for Memorial Day. Tomorrow I'm going to Prescott for Robin's gender ultrasound. That's FIVE days without the gym. And a weekend that I certainly didn't eat right. I'm nervous that I'll have gained weight. I should have at least gone Friday morning, but I didn't get up in time. So.. grr.

At my doctors appt last week, my doctor was very proud of me. He said "I don't know what you're doing, but you've lost 14 lbs! Keep it up!" Of course now it's 16 lbs... well, it was on Thursday. So that was a really good appt. He gave me the scrip for Metformin which I plan to start today. Not looking forward to it though!

Update on Zoey, just in case anyone was wondering. She is fine, all back to normal.

Well I guess that's all. I plan to post again today with that picture post that I said I'd do a while back. There's not gonna be a ton of pictures though, because I forgot to bring my camera to Prescott over the weekend, and the ones I did with Jenn aren't ready yet. So maybe I'll wait till next month to start a picture post. The only thing I'd have to put in it from this month would be the pictures from the D Backs game. So idk. We'll see. Maybe Jess will post pix from Friday soon and I'll do it then.

Done rambling. Later taters!

Halfway There!!

This week, I've been weighing myself everyday, just for shits and giggles. I want to see if I notice a day to day difference. It's gone up and down just a smidge, but nothing reportable. I was starting to think I've plataued since I hadn't lost any all week. I'm gonna blame it on Aunt Flow... because now that she's gone, today I was 1.75 lbs lighter!! Yahhooo! Which puts me just over halfway to my first goal of 25 lbs!! HALF WAY!! I'm so excited for my appointment on Monday now. Dr. O better be proud of me! :) Hopefully I'm real lucky and the second half comes off just as easily. Then I can set me new goal of another 25lbs. :) I've lost weight before, but I feel like this is really different. I'm not just trying to drop a few pounds, I'm trying to change my lifestyle, trying to achieve our dream of parenthood, trying to safe myself (and in turn, our children) from diabetes. It's all worth it.

Today I found a picture of me from 2007. It was at a time that I had been dietting and lost about 15lbs. So I know how much I weighed in that picture. I looked so good! Not skinny, of course, but not so fat either! If I can get there again, I'll be thrilled! That's currently over 50 lbs away. That picture is my new inspiration!

Time for an update on Zoey! It's hard to say. She seems to have more energy, and she has drank on her own a few times now. She still isn't excited to see me when I get home from the gym and stuff, but she is excited to see Clint when he gets home from work (I try not to let it hurt my feelings.. lol). She still hasn't eaten any of her food, and sometimes denies treats. But we have been feeding her so much people food, so why would she need to eat hers? She still sleeps almost all day. But then I gotta think, how different is that than normal when Clint's on nights? She would normally spend most of the day in bed with him anyway. She still isn't playful though. So I'm really not sure. We are still keeping a close eye on her, and probably overanylyzing every little thing.

Justin is hosting SNL tonight! Yay!! TMZ showed pictures of him and Andy (Adam?) Samburg dressed in the getup that they wore in their "Dick in a Box" and "Mother Lover" videos, so I'm sooo excited to see what they do now! :)

Well that's all. It's almost 8 and I still want to get some scrapping done tonight!

WTH?! *Spoiler alert- AI and Bones*

Okay, last week James went home. That was so wrong! I thought for sure he would win the whole thing! And this week, Haley?! America got it so wrong. So so so wrong. I'm just kind of in shock! Now it is down to Lauren and Scotty. While I like Lauren much much better, I think Scotty will win. Boooo! Obviously, I was very disappointed tonight...

...Until about an hour later, at the end of Bones! I squealed and did a happy dance and couldn't stop smiling when Bones told Booth that she is pregnant, and its his! If this doesn't bring them together, I don't know what will! Next season should be amazing! I cannot wait!

On the news tonight, there was video of a stroller with a little girl in it getting ran over! The SUV went right over the title girl, who managed to only get a few scratches! Amazing! The SUV driver wasn't at fault because the crosswalk light had changed to "stop," but I don't get how they didn't see the family right in front of them! There was a big truck next to them, said to be blocking their view. But they should have been able to see the family before they hit them. Its crazy. But wonderful that the little girl and her family are okay!

Song Challenge Days 28-30.. The End!

Day 28 - A Song That Makes You Feel Guilty

Why would a song make me feel guilty? Instead, I'll choose a song titled Guilty. But believe me it in no way relates to my life!


Day 29 - A Song From Your Childhood

This is another one that reminds me of my Grandpa. He had this on tape and everytime I went to his house, since I was very little, I would want to listen to it and listen to it. I loved it so much. And I loved him so much, so it's a great memory. He was a very musical man.


Day 30 - Your Favorite Song From This Time Last Year

Either a song from Glee, maybe....


Or a song from Idol, possibly...


Or maybe this...



And with that, I end this long journey of the 30 Day Song Challenge, which lasted much longer than 30 days. Oops! :)

Sick Puppy

My poor Zoey hasn't been feeling well! For a few days she has been acting different. Sleepier. But most concerning was that she was shivery. Then she wasn't wanting to eat, not even her treats, and we realized that she wasn't drinking much. So yesterdy morning we called a vet in Wickenburg (about an hour away), and we scheduled an appointment for today. The receptionist said to try to get her to drink gatorade, for the electrolytes, and we got her to have some of it. She was just so weak yesterday, stumbly when she walked. You could tell every move she made was so difficult for her. My poor girl. I should also mention that for weeks she's been licking her paws a lot and the last couple weeks she's had a few "asthma attacks." That's the best way I can describe it with words. Just kinda having trouble breathing, but then she's fine right away. So we took her to the vet this morning (appt was at 8:30, which is when I normally get out of bed... yawn.) The vet, Joanne, was really nice. We told her everything, even brought a stool sample. She checked her all out and said that she has a mild fever and it sounds like allergies too (the wheezing and licking). Her poo was parasite free (yay!). Joanne put her on steroids and antibiotics. The anitbiotic is a liquid because they didn't have a small enough pill for my tiny dog. We have to give her both 2 times a day for a few days, then drop the steroid to once a day, then to every other day and so on, depending on how she's doing. We are to call if she doesn't get better in a few days or of course if she gets worse. If she does get worse, they will test for valley fever (which is a $100 test.. yikes!) and go from there. I hope it's not that! And I doubt it, because she already seems better! Even this morning she wasn't so shivery. When we ate dinner tonight she was right there begging, like normal. And when she heard something outside, she went running and barking into the back yard. So I'm sure she's going to be fine, but I'll continue with the meds anyway. Better safe than sorry!

Yesterday was weigh day, which surprisingly had be down to 11lbs lost. It was 9 two days before. WTH! I love it, but WTH! LOL. I feel like I'm lying, making it up, like it's not possible to lose weight that fast. But it's true, the scale doesn't lie (its a good gym scale, not the cheapo one I have at home). And being on my period, I didn't expect to LOSE any. So weird! But wonderful!!

A couple weeks ago, I decided that once I got to 10 lbs lost, I would reward myself with brownies. I have 3 bags of brownie mix in my pantry from before the diet started. But now that its come off so fast, I don't know if I want to do it. I do. My god it would be delicious!! But I feel like I've made such progress that I shouldn't hinder it. But then I think that I deserve it! And I won't eat the whole pan in one (or two, even) sitting. I'll be good and make it last. I won't be too good when it's still batter. But... Anyway. We'll see. I'm sure I'll make them in the next couple days. :D

I got some scrapbooking done today! 3 pages, plus I finished one that I started the other day. I am feeling inspired and motivated again and that makes me happy! I don't know if its the crops with Robin or Friday's shopping trip, but either way, I'm glad!

I guess that's all! I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen then watch Glee and probably The Voice before bed time rolls around!

Check The Ticker!

Yeah, that's right, 9lbs already, as of yesterday!! I'd say I'm moving along nicely! I'm so proud of myself! :D Tomorrow is my real weigh day but I don't expect it to have changed. Then again, you never know! :)

Needless to say, I'm still doing good with my new healthier lifestyle! I even went on the first day of my period, which was yesterday. And that's my way of saying that it finally came (not that I mentioned on here that it was late... didn't want to get any hopes up), and that I finally got to start my birth control... yay? It still feels weird to be taking birth control. But I guess I gotta do what I gotta do. My doctors appointment is on the 24th, I believe. He'll weigh me (yay!) and check my BP and all that. And if it looks like the bc isn't screwing with me, he'll perscribe me the Metformin, which will suck but will probably... hopefully be worth it! But I'll talk more about that once I actually start taking it, which I don't plan to do till May 30 at the earliest. My birthday is on the 29th and I don't want to be dealing with a new medication on my birthday, darnit! :)

The big 2-7.. Whoopdidoo. I'm only looking forward to it because I'm going to Prescott on the 27th for an overnighter and we're gonna go out and do karaoke... after Jessica's passion party, that is! :) It will be the first time I've celebrated my birthday with my friends since my 23rd, so I'm excited and it should be fun! Here, since Clint's mom will be in town, I'm hoping we can all have dinner together. Either at a house or a restaurant, I don't care. But if for some reason we can't all be together, hopefully Clint & I will go out.

It sucks having my birthday so close to our anniversary though. It all comes out of the same paycheck. :( We are really wanting to go to another Diamondbacks game for our anniversary, but Clint will have to take a vacation day, so we'll see.

Robin & I have been scrapbooking together and it has been GREAT!! I have gotten so much done in the 3 days (one full day and two afternoons)! 10 full pages and one that's almost done. Plus one I did yesterday by myself. At this rate I'll have the album that I'm doing done in time for when I need it for! Can't say! :D

I guess that's all I've got to say! Oh, I was thinking that I'll start doing once a month picture posts. Since I never post pix, and would like to, but it's a pain in the ass. Maybe if I do it all at once. So at the end of the month I think I'll post a bunch of pictures!

Hope everyone has a great week! :)

Song Challenge Days 25-27

Day 25 - A Song That Makes You Laugh

Another one from Glee. :)


Day 26 - A Song That You Can Play On An Instrument

I used to know how to play this on the recorder..


Day 27 - A Song That You Wish You Could Play

I chose this one because I used to know how to play the chorus on piano, and my Grandpa was alays teaching my brother and I how to play it. And I miss my Grandpa very much and this song always reminds me of him.

Song Challenge Days 21-24

Day 21 - A Song That You Listen To When You're Happy

I don't go to any specific song when I'm happy (I'm always happy!), but I do love the heck out of this one...


Day 22 - A Song That You Listen To When You're Sad
Gah! I don't have a go to sad song! I don't have a go to song for any emotion. So I'll pick the first sad song that pops into my head... Okay it was the third one to pop into my head..


Day 23 - A Song That You Want Played At Your Wedding
I really wanted this one played, but it was too new and I didn't have iTunes yet, and couldn't find it on FrostWire.


Day 24 - A Song You Want Played At Your Funeral
Again, no idea what to choose here. The only funeral song I could think of was this one, and I can't imagine it being played at my funeral.


Okay that's it for today. I wanna get this over with soon because I am way behind, and because I don't think anyone really cares. lol. Night!

5-8-11

Today is Mother's Day. And I thought last Mother's Day was hard. This year really could have been my first Mother's Day. I was pregnant, after all. I would have a 2 month old right now. I try not to dwell on it, try not to be negative and bitter. But maybe today there it's okay to be bitter.

It's hard because I feel like I want acknowledgement. I want my friends and my family to not tell me "happy Mother's Day," but to in some way show me that they know that it's hard for me, know that I wish I was a Mom, know that all the Facebook statuses with their baby's birth info hurt me just a little. It's not that I don't want them to post those things. Because I surely will when I become a mother. There is one Facebook status that got to me, that I only saw once. "Without my kids, tomorrow wouldn't be worth waiting for and yesterday wouldn't be worth remembering." I realize that it's not intended to sting the way it did. But my first thought was "What am I living for, then?" I know that I'm living for the future, for the chance to finally be called "Mommy." I don't know how one could show the acknowledgement I'm looking for. Maybe by including "future moms" or even "angel moms" in their "Happy Mother's Day" status updates.

My husband asked me today if he should tell me "Happy Mother's Day" and I told him no, but that I appreciate him realizing that today is sensitive for me.

So, where do we... the childless, the TTC-ers, the Infertiles... fit into Mother's Day? Maybe we don't. Maybe there simply isn't a place for us today. Maybe we shouldn't expect other's to acknowledge our pain on this day.

As I type this, I almost feel guilty. Like I shouldn't be putting a damper on anyone else's Mother's Day. It's their day. They... all the Moms... deserve to be happy and celebrate today, guilt free. Because of that, I won't be posting this to my Facebook.

One positive thing I get from this day and this struggling for a baby is this: When I finally become a Mother, I will never take it for granted. I will celebrate Mother's Day with gratitude, knowing just how lucky I am. I will never be insensitive to those who are struggling to be called "Mom" because I will know where they are coming from. I will know the pain they feel, and I will acknowledge that pain. I'll post statuses about my baby, but I'll be careful to not hurt anyone in doing so. I belive that infertility makes us more compassionate, empathetic and understanding.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I feel like I need to make that clear. I am just taking advantage of this thing we call blogging, to get my thoughts out there. To shed some light on the dark side of Mother's Day.

In closing, I would like to wish all those lucky Moms out there a Happy Mother's Day.

Song Challenge Day 20

Day 20 - A Song That You Listen To When You're Angry

I really don't have an angry song anymore. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, it was Avril. But, now, nothing. However, if I was going to have an angrry song, it would have to be this. I <3 this song!

Let's Go D-Backs!

I went to my first pro sports game on Thursday! We saw the Diamondbacks play the Rockies and it was so. much. fun!!! I was afraid I was gonna be bored and not get into it and just play with me phone the whole time, and never wanna go again. Now I'm not gonna say that I didn't play with my phone a lot, but it was all about the game (and a little about Idol)! I definitely got into it! We got there just as the game was starting and had dinner at Fridays, which overlooks the field (actually a really great view). Clint & his parents got ribs and I got their Jack Daniels chicken, which was soooo good!! More expensive than a normal Fridays, no doubt, but that was okay. We made our way to our seats... bottom level, row 10 and kinda near third base, but farther back. I think they were great seats! There's so much going on during the game that you don't see on TV. They have games, and they throw out T Shirts to the crowd, the mascot (who we got to meet (thanks to good elevator timing), his name is Baxter). And they show lots of people on the Jumbotron and I was determined to get on that giant TV, but it never happened. :( Next time I'm bringing a sign! :) But it was all so much fun!! And we caught a really good game too! We were losing 2-0 up until the 9th inning, when we hit two home runs and caught up! No one scored in the 10th inning, and we finally scored the winning home run at the bottom of the 11th, and the crowd went wild.. it was awesome!! I definitely want to do it again sometime!

I should also mention that I totally cheated on my diet at the game. I got a $6 Cold Stone... it was chocolate ice cream, with brownies and chocolate chips AND hot fudge... in a waffle cone. Yeah, it was bad!! But soooooo good, and so worth it! :)

The next morning Clint's parents took us to Red Lobster, where I was good in getting a Chicken Caesar salad. But I was bad in eating FOUR of those crazy delicious cheddar biscuits! Yes, four.

BUT I am proud of myself because the morning of the game, I went to the gym before leaving town. It wasn't the best work out.. I learned that I'm NOT a morning exerciser! No energy before noon, I guess! And I also worked out when we got back yesterday afternoon. Another not-to-great workout because I was so sleepy. But the fact that I went when I really wasn't in the mood (both times) makes me proud of me!

Oh, and thanks to Robin for babysitting Zoey for us! :)

Other than all that, not much has changed! I'm looking forward to weigh day Monday, hoping that I lost another 2 lbs!

Earlier I mentioned Idol.... Happy dance for Jacob going home.. FINALLY!!

I guess that's it! Till next time....

Song Challenge Day 19

Day 19 - A Song From Your Favorite Album


I really don't have one favorite album (does anyone, really?!) so to make it easier on myself, I thought of Greatest Hits albums, and came up with this one.

Song Challege Days 17 & 18

I forgot about this yesterday, and doubt I'll have time tomorrow (since we're going to a Diamondbacks game!! :) )so I'm doing two today! Cheater cheater, yeah yeah...

Day 17 - A Song that You Hear Often On The Radio
I hear this alot on country radio..


Day 18 - A Song That You Wish You HEard On The Radio
This could possibly be Britney's next single..

Monday Weigh Day

I have decided that Monday is my weigh day. The gy is closed Sunday so it's easier to remember to do it Mondays, my first day back. So I weighed myself today and I am happy to say that I lost 2 1/2 lbs since last weight day (which was Tuesday since I wasn't around Monday)!!! 2 1/2 lbs is damn good, I think! I know that generally the first few weeks of the diet are the most successful. But if I could lose 2 lbs a week, I'll be allowed to get pregnant in just 10 weeks! How's that for motivation? So I left the gym in a great mood today!

Also, I wanted to say that the gym is getting easier for me! Saturday and today were really good workout days. I feel like I have more tolerance, so I neeed to start pushing myself more.

Doing a happy dance as I end this...

Song Challenge Day 16

Day 16 - A Song That You Used To Love But Now Hate

I don't know! I'm loyal to my music! I keep thinking back to my childhood, and I come up with NKOTB. But I still like NKOTB! Then I think high school.. Mambo #5. Dumb song. But if it came on the radio I'd totally listen to it! I think anything that I used to like, even if I realize now that it was silly, reminds me of that time, and therefore I still like it. It's like that Kenny Chesney song, "Everytime I hear that song, I go baaaaaaack." So I don't think I can answer this one. Sorry!

Song Challenge Day 15

Day 15 - A Song that Describes You

Maybe I just wanted a chance to post a Glee song! :)
It describes me now, butt I'm working on it! :D