When I started blogging, I wasn't sure if I was gonna talk about this or not. There's a reason I've kept it off of Facebook. There's a handful of people (family, BFFs) that I talk to about it regularly.
What is it?
Since we got married, we've been trying for a baby. Which means over a year now. At first, I pretty much told everyone that we planned to have a baby right away. So I'm sure this doesn't come as a surprise to anyone. After I realized it wasn't happening right away, I kinda kept my mouth closed. You have no idea how much I wish I would have kept my mouth shut to begin with, told everyone "Ohh we're not ready yet" or "It'll happen when it happens." Because, especially when I was working, people always ask "Pregnant yet?" Which is silly, because if I told you that we were trying, don't you think I'd tell you when it happened? And if I didn't tell you without being asked, there's probably a reason we're keeping on the DL.
But for the most part I've been lucky as far as people constantly asking. By now the people I discuss it with know I'll tell them when there's news, and when they ask it doesn't bother me at all. I know its out of love and concern. We are very lucky to have a great support system in all this. My mom's on our side, waiting for a phone call. Clint's mom & sisters have been great. You can tell they are eager for us to have a baby, and that means so much to me. My girls, my best friends- well they're amazing too. Alwways there for me.
So I've decided to come out with it in my blog. I figure this is the best way to do it. Any info that I'm willing divulge will be on here. If you are interested in our Trying To Concieve ("TTC") story, follow my blog and you'll be up to date, and I won't have to rehash everything over and over. I should warn you, there may be TMI at some point. Sorry.
So here's our TTC Timeline to date:
June 2009- We stopped preventing.
July 2009- I started researching online. I learned about charting (I'll talk about that later) and I found The Mommy Playbook (TMP). (I'll talk about TMP later too)
August 2009- Started charting.
November 2009- I started to really get emotional about it. I guess you could say I was consumed by it... its all I wanted, its all I could think about. I decided for the holidays to kind of take a break. It would be hard to keep up with the charting while out of town anyway. I still tried to do the deed, or "baby dance" (BD) as us TTC-ers like to call it, at the right time, but tried not to stress about it too much.
January 2010- I finally went to see a gynecologist (at the end of the month). Dr. L. did the basic well woman exam and everything checked out okay, which was a huge relief. He told me to come back in 2 months if I'm not pregnant yet.
April 2010- Clint had his semen analysis which came back good. Back to Dr. L. He perscribed me Clomid, 50mg, to be taken days 5-9 of my cycle. It worked out that I got to start taking it the next day- yay! Clomid helps make you ovulate and regulate your cycle. Unfortunately, it didn't work for me in April.
May 2010- Took the same dosage of Clomid, and... hurray! I O-ed! Unfortunately this happened while I was in Oregon visiting mom, and Clint was still here in AZ. Oh well, it was nice to know I O-ed, and also nice to have the pressure off for a couple weeks. And it gave me hope for th next cycle.
June 2010- Same dosage of clomid. On CD17, I had a dark line on my OPK but not as dark as its supposed to be, so I don't think I O-ed. Back to Dr. L on the 23rd and he upped my dosage to 100mg, which I'll start for July's cycle. Hopefully this will help! If it doesn't, the next step will be more in-depth testing. Cross your fingers that we don't have to go there!
I mentioned charting. Every morning I take my temperature. It's called your Basal Body Temperature (BBT) and it has to be done very first thing in the morning, before I even get out of bed, and it really needs to be done at the same time every morning (really a pain in the ass). Every day I enter my temp in my chart at Fertility Friend. I also enter any medication I take, any symptoms (headaches, cramps, etc), OPKs (ovulation tests) and of course I keep track of any time we do the deed. Why do this? After ovulation, your temps go up. It doesn't help predict when you'll O, but helps confirm when you have already O-ed.
The Mommy Playbook is kind of like an online community. It's a place for moms to go to talk about their families, get advice, share tips, etc. Obviously, I'm not a mom yet. But they have a whole section for TTC, and it's full of some wonderful women! Some of these women have been through so much. Some have been trying for several years. Some have had miscarriages. Some have been on all the medication and been through all the tests. Some already have one or more children and are struggling to complete their family. They are so full of information and inspiration. Recently one of the girls who has been trying for 2 years finally announced she's expecting. This gave everyone hope. It does happen. Miracles happen. Anytime I'm losing hope, they are there to show me the light at the end of the tunnel. Anytime I need advice, there is a handful of them who have been in my exact situation. I'm so glad I found TMP!
Over time, I'm sure I'll share plenty of stories about the heartache involved with TTC, but here's one thing that comes to mind right away...
Babies make us (anyone TTC) sad. We love babies, we want babies, but we don't have any. Seeing your beautiful newborn breaks our heart just a little bit. We're happy that you have your bundle of joy, so don't ever think we're not! Babies are everywhere, and we get jealous.
With all the sadness involved, I still stay optimistic. One thing I have come to believe is that we are meant to have a certain baby. When that egg is ready, that's when we'll get pregnant. And you know what? Our baby will be more loved than anyone could ever imagine, because we have tried so hard to reach parenthood. And we'll get there.
I thought about doing a separate blog for TTC, but it's something I deal with every day. It's a part of my Jolly life.