Sunday, March 3, 2013

Me vs. Me *Image Heavy*

I'm pregnant. Thrilled about it. And I know that it means I'll gain weight. 
But damnit! Here I am last summer:
"OW!" If I do say so myself. Best I've ever looked in my entire life. EVER. 
This is me the summer before last (2011):
(both photos credit to Jennifer Rice Photography)
It's not the best picture to show how much heavier I was, but I was much heavier, as you know if you've been following my blog very long. 
About 80lbs heavier. 
Here's a side by side of two more pictures from the two shoots:
Where I'm going with this is that I look at pictures of me last summer, not just these awesome professional ones, but any picture of me last summer, and I feel like I looked so good and I'm okay with not looking that good this summer, obviously, because I'm pregnant. I'm gonna get super big and then the baby's gonna come and I'm still gonna have some extra weight on (a LOT extra if I don't change my ways soon), but my fear is that I'll never look that good again. 
And it really only lasted a few months. 
I'm trying to motivate myself. 
I never shared these pictures on my blog or on FB.
This is my first "progress" pic. I think I was about 15 lbs down when I realized I should be taking pictures:
So gross. 
This is one of the last progress pictures I took:
(Same shirt)
So much better!
So all these pictures are my motivation.
What I don't want to become again vs. what I do want to become again.
I'm not gonna be so optimistic and say that I just KNOW I can do it!
Because I don't know that.
All I can really say is that I HOPE I can do it.
I hope I can find that motivation that I found before and get even lower than my lowest weight of 193. 
I hope that 175 is in my future. 
I know it will take a while.
I know it will take dedication and a lot of hard work.
So I hope I can do it. 
After baby comes, of course!
Here's some more motivational pictures for me... 
I don't even recognize myself in some of them.

^^ Look at that belly and those dimples in my leg!! ^^
^^ That round face and fat neck! ^^
^^ My shoulders seem so broad. ^^

 In all these pictures of my past, I was happy. I knew I was fat, obese. But it didn't bother me. It was who I was and I still loved myself, I didn't hate what I saw when I looked in the mirror. 
I knew I didn't look hot, but I didn't hate it.
I've always viewed that as a good quality that I have.
But then I look at these pictures now and wonder how I let it get so bad, and how I was okay with being so big. 
I weighed 275lbs. 
That's not ok!
Hopefully once the baby comes I can pull up this post, look at these pictures and rededicate myself to weight loss. 
Hopefully someday I'll see that 175 on the scale. 
And hopefully...
I'll never ever ever see 275 again. 
Like, ever! 

I think that's all. 
Have a nice day! :)

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