I Don't Even Know What To Name This Entry

Today started out good. Clint and I went to Prescott, had lunch at the mall, then headed to Famous Footwear to get him some new shoes (with a discount from one of my besties!) We still had time to kill, so we went to Michael's where I got some scrapbooking stuff, not a whole lot. I had a doctors appointment at 2, but we got there at 1:30.

After waiting a while (really not much past 2), the ultrasound tech called us back. She did an abdominal and a transvaginal. It was awkward for Clint, next time he will stay in the waiting room! She didn't say a lot, mostly just told me what we were looking at (ovaries, lining, etc). She did say there were cysts, which is to be expected with PCOS.

We waited to see Dr. O for quite some time. We were both getting sleepy! When he finally came in, he apologized for the wait and got right down to business. The ultrasound confirmed PCOS. But the main concern is my blood sugar. Remember the post about my blood work a few weeks ago? Well, it is PRE diabetes, but it sounds like I'm VERY close to full blown diabetes. Of course, I didn't ask for actual numbers. Next time I will try to get my medical records so I can see for myself.

His plan is birth control and metformin. I expected both. What I didn't expect was the SIX months he wants me on them. That's six more months without a chance of pregnancy, and that's when I started crying (because its what I do. ). He wants me to lose 25 lbs before we start trying again. On one hand that sounds like a lot, but really it isn't, not compared to how much I weigh! Which is a secret.

So then we have the weight loss plan. The meds will help. But I also have to exercise every day. He said a walk doesn't count, that I need to sweat! But I sweat when we walk in the sun. Doesn't count. But the worst part is the diet. If you know me, you know I have a sweet tooth. I love cookies so much I bake quite often! Anything sweet, I love. Ice cream. Brownies. Chocolate chips. But I have dieted before and cut waaaaaaaaay back on the sweets. It sucks big hairy balls, but I can do it. No, the worst worst part is the starch. He says very little starch, like one serving a day. Like if I want a sandwich for lunch, to have an open face sandwich. If I want potatoes, to have a small serving. Mac& cheese should probably be out of the question. Pastas? No way. Its amazing how much this is effecting me. But let me take a minute to say that Clint is being so so so supportive! He is a picky eater, and not a veggie fan. Our side dishes are always potatoes or mac. But he is telling me not to worry about him (which comes so naturally to me. Its what I do, its my job to worry about him), that it will be good for both of us, and that its important to keep me from becoming diabetic. I think he is more concerned then he let's on. So, he is being great.

But still, this is so difficult! I have been into meal planning for several months now. It just makes life easier. Well, about half of what we normally eat, we can't now. I was trying to make my grocery list for tomorrow and I was sitting there crying over it and Clint comes in and gives me a hug and I tell him how overwhelming it is, and that I just don't know what we're gonna eat. Its really a drastic lifestyle change. So we talked and made lists and talked some more. We are gonna step into it slowly. For now, we are taking out the junk like hamburger helper. That stuff is so unhealthy anyway! Also, no more mac& cheese. Probably still some potato, just smaller portions. Meat is okay, Dr. O said lots of protein. I'm probably not supposed to have taco shells but for now we are leaving them in.

For breakfast, I'm gonna get a bunch of fruit. I don't know what else to do. I may get a whole grain cereal too.

For lunches, I'm gonna keep doing some Lean Cuisines, but also salads. Salads with ham and/or turkey and olives and carrots and maybe even bell peppers.

Snacks will be fruit, veggies and hard boiled eggs.

None of this is like me, and not much of it sounds appealing at all. But I have to do what I have to do. It is a lifestyle change and I'll get used to it.

But today was rough. It might sound like a silly thing to be so upset over. But combining the diet with waiting six more months to get pregnant... its just a lot.

So I am mopey, and sad, and Negative Nessa right now. And its what I need. Let me find the bright side later. Right now, I need to be sad. So here are some thoughts that are making me sad.

*We get to start trying again in November, if I get pregnant right away (which is unlikely), I still wont have the baby till July 2012. 2012!! Isn't that when the world is supposed to end?
*I'll be 28.
*I'll have been married for three years.
*That leaves lots of time for random friends to get pregnant before me.
*It is very unlikely that I'll have 2 by 30. Heck, we might decide to stick with just one.
*Did I mention I can't eat anything I'm used to eating?
*No more baking
*Eating away from home will be a PITA.

Gah! I guess that is all for now. Maybe my next post will have the bright sides. I'm great at finding bright sides.