March 6, 2011

I will always remember today as the day my first baby was due. I realize that I most likely would have had the baby weeks ago, but today still holds some significance. As the day has been approaching, I wasn't sure what to expect from myself. A month & a half ago, I was feeling all kinds of anxiety about it. I was sad, mad, scared, everything. But lately I've felt more calm about it. That's probably because we are taking steps toward trying again. But still, my heart is heavy today. I would rather be holding my baby in my arms than only in my thoughts. I'd rather be caring for a newborn all day than scrapbooking all day. I'd rather be exhausted than well rested. Everything that monthers compain about having to do, or not being able to do. I'd give anything to have what they have.

I had thought when it came time to try again, I wouldn't want to talk about it. And I didn't think I'd tell many people when we finally do get pregnant again. But now I realize that I'm an open person. It would feel werid to me if no one knew what we were experiencing. So I'll blog about it. I'll tell those close to me, but I won't post it on Facebook (those who take the time to read my blog, will get to be in the know).

Also, infertility is talked about so infrequently, but why? It's a real issue and maybe if more people talked about it, more people would understand it, and maybe insurance would cover treatments better.

I don't know that I'm "infertile"... obviously we are capable of concieving. But it falls under the same category, since it took us so long to get pregnant the first time, and needed fertility drugs.

So I have a doctors appointment on the 11th with Dr. O. in Prescott. He is supposed to be really good with fertility problems, and really easy to talk to (not like my last dr). So I'm really looking forward to it! I imagine he will do blood work right away, at least I hope so! He should check all my hormone levels, and test for PCOS. Hopefully soon, we will have a game plan.

The thought of "trying" again is daunting. It's more work than anyone realizes and it takes the fun out of things. But I'm finally ready.

Clint is already being more involved this time around. He'll be going to my appointments with me. I think it will help for him to have all the info that I have. I'm not good at reiterating what the dr says, and Clint will have his own questions that I won't think to ask. So it's important that he goes, and I'm excited that he's wanting to be so involved this time! I've got a good feeling.

My sister-in-law is expecting, and I'm hoping that ours will be just a few months behind!

I might start a new "trying" blog, I might just change the name of this one, or not. IDK yet. But I'll keep the blogosphere updated.